


Angels

by SasstrianPrissess



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Confusion, Diary/Journal, Heartbreak, Human & Country Names Used, M/M, Multi, Sporadic Updates, thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-08-31 22:38:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8596507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SasstrianPrissess/pseuds/SasstrianPrissess
Summary: "Angels can fly," he said, giving the man behind him one final smile as a single tear rolled down his left cheek, the wind whipping at their clothes wildly as the approaching storm closed in...
...and then he jumped.





	1. Envious Betrayal

_The day of my arrival was not exactly a joyous reception as I had anticipated. Instead, there had been preparations I was unaware of. A secret affair had taken place behind my back. Honestly, I should have known better than to expect things to have remained the same, but I suppose there is a nagging sort of nostalgia within us all that makes us think that maybe... just maybe things stayed the same during the unexpected absence. Alas, such a fact is merely fantasy... There were banners and planners, pictures and images strewn about on every surface. All of it, for a wedding. Truthfully, it struck deep and hard; carving ever deeper a scar that festers even today, a full month after the fact. What made this even worse is that I don't want to come between the newlyweds... my best friends, or at least, I had thought they were. Sure, they console me, I can smile, but I am honestly just so sad. I wonder if they can see it? Probably or not, who knows. As much as I want to pitch a fit and claim and fight for what I once had, I can't...their happiness means everything to me even if I am to be less. I am less. They still want me to be with them, but I cannot. I won't come between what I cannot have. I want... I ache... but I won't take it no matter how much it hurts. Really, all I can offer them is my body. I... I can let them have that. They can use me if it's my only chance to remain close. I know... I'm stupid to let myself continuously suffer needlessly, but if my heart hurts, then I know that my feelings for him were once reciprocated. I will continue to love him uncontrollably even if I am to not have any in return. I will watch them, learn to love them both somehow. No matter how much I'm told, I can't believe their sweet lies even if its sugary taste masks the bitter truth. They do not... He does not love me. Truthfully, I cannot blame him, for I cannot love myself after being gone for so long... after hurting him with my disappearance. The reason why he chose someone else... is because of me. It is my loss. Still, this horrible rot of envy and betrayal plagues my heart. I want it to go away. How do I make it go away? Do I just... tear out my still beating heart? I cannot cry anymore, but the tears are still there. I can feel them. I'm constantly sighing and I feel disgusted with myself. Why am I doing this? Why am I acting so... not myself? Am I now just another useless whore willing to do anything wild or irrational for just a moment's hint of attention? I know I am not myself. I am being too needy and too clingy. It hurts to know and see that I am hurting him. I never meant to harm him or anyone with my actions. I'm such a selfish creature. That is why I am less. No one else has said it, but I know better. These thoughts haunt me. They are what keeps me together because I am gladly ripping myself to pieces for him...and his fiancée. Isn't it ironic to have once said that "I trust you... I know you won't take him from me"?_

/'\/'\/'\/'\/'\/'\/'\/'\/'\/'\/'\/'\/'\/'\/'\/'\

Roderich sighed, placing down the pen in the crevice of the empty journal he'd found earlier that no one seemed to be using as he surveyed the empty room. This had not been the first night he's gone sleepless. Yet, it was the first night he'd ever written his feelings and thoughts down instead of playing them out on an instrument; namely the piano. However, the page upon his lap was now covered in ink; words that hurt to look at instead of music notes.

A heavy sigh left his lips, his eyes closing as the ugly coils of emotional pain twisted in his body. He was tormenting himself, he knew this, yet, he couldn't help himself. Gilbert was gone, and even if he kept telling himself that he could still have a chance with the Prussian by being less to Matthew, he just couldn't. Yet, he did indulge.

That was why he now frowned, staring off into the distance as a palm kneaded the covered sternum over his heart. He'd become quiet for so long concerning both of them that they appeared to have accepted his false covering. Gilbert and Matthew were none the wiser, at least, according to him.

"How long can I stay like this?" he breathed out in a whisper, running his fingers through his hair. Pursing his lips, he looked to his lap at the notebook, the words slightly blurred at the edges with sleep deprived eyesight. Roderich sighed heavily and closed the book, trapping the pen within and stood up to head to the guest room he'd been using; thinking to take a small nap whilst it was still yet dark.


	2. Flowering Decay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is just a little something from Austria to Prussia concerning flower meanings and ties somewhat into the main plot though it is actually a stand-alone chapter

Here for you I have a bouquet plucked from the best florist in Vienna,

it has but a single bloom of much variety to tell you what must be said:

Iris

Yellow Tulip

Pheasant's Eye

Alstroemeria

Amaranthus

Garden Anemone

Artemisia

Vetch

Laurestina

Pink Carnation

Marigold

Milkvetch

Motherwort and Morning Bride

though both necessary, the names hardly mean much

Heart's Ease

The purple and yellow Pansy

Sweet Pea

White Periwinkle

Carolina Syringa

Still within I shall slip a single Primrose and the Austrian Rose,

this bouquet I shall set for you under the boughs of the Spindle Tree,

perhaps then, all shall be well.

 


End file.
